How to be a socially-functioning Ochlophobic introvert

I have always been an introvert. I'm the type that wants my space but also hates being excluded. I also have Ochlophobia (fear of being surrounded by huge crowds of people). The anxiety is awful - like I'm being suffocated and I can't escape because gravity is keeping my feet glued to the earth's surface and no one around me thinks anything is wrong.  I like my alone time, my space. But it was never fulfilling enough. Once you hang round with certain people, you realize how amazing they are for you. They provide an energy and feelings that you can't get on your own. Be alone for too long and you become swallowed in loneliness.

I had to learn that we as humans are not islands. We can be temporary hermits or have our own little personal "getaways", but we can't live without each other. We need the connection. We need to share with each other, to learn from each other, to grow. We need to be touched - we need hugs! It releases hormones in us that send signals to our brains. (In childbirth we call Oxytocin the "cuddle hormone")

So how does a girl balance this without her brain blowing up? It's about the balance of energy. Being around the positive energy of people we love but also re-charging our batteries with that alone-time we crave.

1) Be social in small groups : No need to go clubbing downtown in huge crowds; hang out with your core group of friends or organize events in smaller groups. This is where we're most comfortable. Our good friends have made the cut. We know that they make us happy, we make each other laugh. It's an environment of positive energy. No need to mess with a good thing. And when someone new comes around, yeah, we like to put them through a screening process. We're cautious with new energy. That's okay too. Take a deep breath and observe.

2) Escape to nature when you need it: If you're living in the city or your workplace is busy, filled with busy-body people, spending an hour or two on a crowded streetcar or subway, make the time during the week to get outside in a non-populated area. Hike through a forest. Walk barefoot in a large grassy park, run through a meadow, sit and look out at a body open water (lake, ocean, stream - depending on where you live).

3) Look up at the stars at night and remember how ridiculously gigantic the universe is. Think of how much space is out there. Let those thoughts of wonderment make you appreciate life, everything you have and of not being alone in such a vast galaxy. The second point here is that being alone in the universe is not all its cracked up to be. Even the Doctor (as in Doctor Who) takes a companion with him.

4) Journaling and colouring: Start writing. Write down your thoughts, feelings. If you need an escape from this world and this reality, write fiction. No one needs to see it but you. Introverts are energy-protectors. But if we shelter ourselves too much and bottle up our emotions, we build a time-bomb within our selves. Best to get it all down on the page and out of our stewing heads. An alternative: Adult colouring books!

5) Call your mom. Sometimes we drift away from family. We get busy, we have our own lives; or maybe there's family tension. Either way, never lose connection with your mom (or any family member who means the world to you). When you feel like you don't want to be social but you need to hear a human voice, call your mom. It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 38, that lady will always be there for you. Or even better, drop by her house for a hug.

6) Practice your breathing. Deep, slow breathing can calm the nervous system. Breathing is more effective at controlling your nervous system and immune system than you think. (I'll be posting more on Wim Hof's incredible methods on a later blog).

7) Schedule alone time or alone activities as well as social ones: Your daily "to-do" list should always contain at least 1 item that is for your own sanity; An activity for stress relief, or fun, whatever. List things that you have to get done, as well as the ones you want to get done.

Paleo Coconut Lemongrass Shrimp

One of the many things that I love about my partner is that often times he'll go to the market/grocery store and come home with something that we've never cooked with before. This week it was lemongrass. We both love Thai food and we've seen lemongrass enough times to know it smells incredible and it tastes awesome in curry dishes; But we've never cooked with it (from scratch).

Seeing it in the fridge, I knew I had to do something with it. So I went to a few paleo recipe sites, picked one that sounded easy enough, and went to work.

Check out the link below for the recipe that I used as a base for my cooking last night - the author deserves credit - thanks "Steph"! However, the dish that I created looked absolutely NOTHING like this picture. There's something called "breaking the coconut milk" which I obviously didn't do so my "sauce" looked well, not silky smooth, but viscous and thick.

Not going to lie though, it was so delicious, I'd make it again in a heartbeat.
Here's the link, but check out below for my modified version of it: http://stupideasypaleo.com/2012/06/16/shrimp-in-coconut-broth/

Paleo Coconut Lemongrass Shrimp (makes 2 servings)

1 lb raw shrimp (with shells/not-peeled)
1 can of coconut cream (I used Blue Monkey coconut cream which is the best I have found so far!)
1/2 cup dry white wine or chicken broth
1 stalk of lemongrass, (chop off the top few inches, peel off the outer rind, then "bruise"/slightly crush the lemongrass with the flat surface of a chef's knife and slice it in half length-wise.)
1/2 tsp dried thyme
3 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced into halves or thirds
1 green chili pepper, chopped
1/3-1/2 cup chopped leeks
1 shallot, minced
1 1/2 cups stringless sugar snap peas 
1 tsp butter or ghee

NOTE: remove the seeds from the chili pepper if you only want a mild/medium spice. Otherwise, keeping all the seeds in will make this dish super spicy!

1.  Peel the shells off the shrimp and put them aside. Put the peeled shrimp in a bowl and rinse with cold water.  Set aside.
2. Place the coconut cream/milk in a large skillet. Add the shrimp shells, wine, lemongrass, thyme and garlic. Let simmer on medium heat for 10-15 minutes (shells should turn pink). 
3. Remove the shells (I used the back of a wooden spoon to squeeze out all the juices) and discard. 
4. Add the shallots, leeks, sugar snap peas. Cook on medium heat about 5 minutes. Then add the shrimp and continue cooking another 5 minutes or until shrimp is pink and cooked. 
5. Add the butter and stir. Remove the lemongrass and discard. 
6. Season with salt and pepper. Serve and enjoy!

Turning goals into values

I've been working a lot on goal-setting with clients (as well as on social media), but this is really just the beginning of the journey. Goal-setting is great. We should always be striving for something new, a greater achievement, greater learning, and overall improvement. But there comes a point where some of those goal-related activities integrate themselves into your life and if they were to disappear, you would miss them.

This is where intrinsic values come in. It's about doing something for your own pleasure; it makes you feel good about you.

I love running 10km races because of the experience:
I set a goal for myself: I want to run the whole race without slowing down beyond 6 minutes/km, and finishing around 55mins.

BUT! I also love the perks (extrinsic value): First, I get a medal and my running bib, which I proudly display on my wall after the race. Then there's the free T-shirt, the bag full of magazines, samples, and fun stuff.

After the race I usually recover for a few days, taking a break from running.

Truthfully, I could stop right there. It would be so easy just to not run anymore. I reached my goal. I had fun. I'm not planning another race anytime soon. So why keep going?

It's that little part of me that knows I'm a runner. I even run in my dreams. My happy place is when I'm running in the forest. It's my escape. I'm content, alone and totally happy in my own zone. And after I finish - I own that moment. It's mine and no one can take it from me.

That's where value comes in - the more intrinsic kind. I keep going - I get out there every chance I get because it makes me feel good. Do I care how fast I run? No. Do I care how much ground I cover? Not really. Do I meticulously monitor my heart rate, calories burned, steps taken? Definitely not. I stop caring about all that because they stop having meaning. When I'm not training for a race, it's just me and the forest (and most recently, Joe Rogan's voice in my head as I listen to a podcast). My feet on the dirt and the grass, my pace, my breath, and all my cares melt away.

Will I still work on achieving more? Absolutely. My next goal is to run a 15k or 1/2 marathon race, but for the time in between I can be easier on myself and just do what I love.

Find that peace. Find something that truly makes you happy and every once in a while, let the numbers and extrinsic values fade away. I love my medals and free t-shirts, but I love me more.